[a clip of the end of the previous episode is on a blue screen]
MM: What's the report on Metal Speedy?
JOE: He informed Shade on the Chaos Drives.
MM: Excellent.
JOE: What's the next part of our plan?
[Dreams of an Absolution LB VS JS Remix slowly fades in]
MM: Just press that button, and watch the one called 'Tail.'
[JOE presses the button, the two laugh as the theme continues]

Dark Chao Adventures

[a clip of Shade swim-racing against Chao (Episode 1) as the word "Shade" appears in big letters]
Shade: (Voice-over from another scene in E1) I think I can do it.

[a clip of Dark at EBGames buying Sonic R (Episode 5) as the word "Dark"... you know]
Dark: (VA other scene E5) Dark Kills All Hero Chao 2?

[Chao dancing terribly (Episode 9) and the works]
Chao: (VA yaddayadda) Let's see you dance, dork!

[Tail running to the Tails Doll (Episode 13) ...]
Tail: (VA ...) Ooh! A Tails Doll!

[Metal Sonic playing poker (Episode 6) ...]
MS: (you know) And I need a pathetic mortal as a slave for eternity!

[Mephiles speaking to the Darks (Episode 10) ...]
Mp: (VA) I am Mephiles. And I have a proposition to make to you.

[the others quickly flash on to the screen, the allegro ends dramatically]

SEASON 5- Sure, It's Not Epic, But At Least It's Back To Its Roots!

Episode 36: Keep It on Que

[the story begins in the Hero Garden, Tails is homeschooling Tail]
Tails: ...so the female gets this pain around their stomach, and the pain is unbearable.
Tail: What IS the pain, Mr. Prower?
Tails: It means the baby is ready.
[at the moment JOE presses the button, Tail collapses]
Tails: TAIL! Are you alright?
Tail: Ugh.... yeah, but I think I'm in labor. Oof...
Chapter 1: Return of the Smart Monkey
[cut to later, the Hero chao (and Tails) are all gathered around Tail]
K: It's gonna be all right, Tail... PUSH!
[the others stare at Knuckle]
K: He said he was in labor!
Chao: He was kidding, dumbo.
K: Hey! I'm not an elephant!
[Chao sighs]
Tail: *hack* Ugh... Mister Prower... what's going on...?
Tails: I don't know, but we can only fear the worst.
Tail: WHAT!? *sheds a tear*
Tails: ...Sorry, I was watching War of the Servers earlier today and-- uh... never mind. Forget I said anything.
Speedy: Listen to me, Tail... do what I do. Relax. Take a chill pill. Chillax. Be cool. Smoke.
[Knuckle punches Speedy]
K: Don't encourage him. Tail, do you need me to get anything?
Tail: For one thing... ugh.... you can get me an archville.
K: Ooh, I can do that!
[Knuckle runs out of the Hero Garden]
Hero: What's an Archville?
Tail: An enemy from DOOM.
Hero: Then why'd you send him to get one?
Tail: I wanted him to shut up for once.
[cut to the Dark Garden, Shade is chasing Dark, holding a dress]
[enter Knuckle]
K: Shade, do you have an Archville I can borr-- (sees chase scene) ....Oookay.
[Devilish walks to Knuckle]
[note: To save space, Devilish will be referred to as Red in the dialogue]
Red: 'Sup?
K: ...What's going--
Red: Shade wants to show a picture of Dark wearing a dress to the others at school.
K: ......Sorry I asked. I just came to see if Shade has an Archville.
Red: Yeah, I think we have some of--wait, what?
K: Archville. Y'know, like in the cartoons? Those things that make people look like accordions?
Red: You're thinking of ANVILS. Archvilles are monsters in DOOM.
K: Wait, so that means I was sent here for nothing... and saw that weird chase scene for nothing. TAIL!
[Knuckle sprints out of the Dark Garden]
[zoom-in on Shade trying to force Dark into the dress]
Shade: Weirdo.
[cut to Knuckle running into the Hero Garden]
K: TAIL, you tricked me, and I have proof! See, I brought my laptop! --Whoa.
[camera pan on the Hero Garden, showing it on fire and the structures defaced]
K: This... this is....
Aqua: ALL TAIL'S FAULT, that's what this is!
K: Hey, which Tail are we talking about here?
Aqua: Take a wild guess.
K: ...OH MY HERO CHAOS, Ninetails came out of the GameChao and is here for revenge for what I said about its mom, isn't it!?
Aqua: No, the CHAO Tai--hold on a second. You said what?
K: I, uh... kinda made a 'Yo Mama' joke about Ninetails, then I found out they live to have revenge.
Aqua: ...Forgetting I heard anything. Anyway, Tail suddenly sprouted an extra tail, looked like Mister Prower, and took off!
K: Took off what? Don't tell me he stripped...
Aqua: NO! He used his tails to fly! I... I'm confused!
K: Hey, where'd Chao and Mr. Prower go to?
Aqua: I don't know. Well, I DO know that he grabbed Chao and flew. I'm... not sure where he could've gone, though.
K: Oh, no... don't tell me he found my secret Training Island!
Aqua: Knuckle, EVERYONE knows where it is. It's down there, just in reach for any chao with wings to get to.
K: Whatever. Which way did he fly to?
Aqua: West.
[Knuckle runs West, but stops at the edge of the garden]
Chapter 2: The Dunce Who Couldn't Fly
K: *sigh* ...Tail... Chao... I couldn't save you. I failed.
Aqua: What's wrong NOW?
K: Look at me; do you see huge wings on me? Can I FLY? No, I can't! I failed... greatly.
[Aqua quickly runs back, a few seconds later comes back with Hero, Tails, Speedy, Purflee, Elgee, and any other Hero I missed]
PF: So, Knuckle, you say you need help flying? Well, me and my sis can help ya!
PFI: Yeah, cheer up!
K: Face it, there's no way I can fly!
[suddenly, Nights comes in]
Nights: GUYS, I just heard the news and came as fast as I could!
Speedy: What do you care about Knuckle?
Nights: Huh? Who? No, I'm talking about how Echo has been spotted flying in these skies!
PF: Echo? ...THAT name rings a bell. I'll check it out.
Nights: Wait, I'm coming with you!
[Purf and Nights take off into the skies, and instantly, Nights falls down like a fly that hit a bug zapper]
Hero: Whoa, what happened?
Nights: *cough* Echo... *wheeze*... he was RIGHT THERE... and smacked me down.
[a loud, piercing screech is heard from above]
Nights: Hear that? That's him... *hack*
[the Heroes look up and see Purflee flying still in mid-air, staring at Echo nearby]
LGS: Wow... Echo looks like a chao!
Nights: That's because he IS a chao! While you guys met him as his robot form, he is almost twice as powerful in his chao form!
Hero: Hang on, hang on... CHAO FORM? What is this, Gundam?
Nights: I'm not sure. All I know is that he appeared out of nowhere in my outpost, and I chased him.
Not-In-Chapter-2: A Quick Flashback
[cut to Nights in the middle of the Dark Forest, resting]
Nights: *yawn* Getting kinda tired.
?: Ugh... I hate those chao...
[Nights hops up and looks around]
[Echo (robot form) limps into the surroundings]
Nights: Who goes there?
Echo: Ugh... nobody you wanna know.
Nights: Nonsense, in the Dark Forest, it is required I know ALL travelers' names!
Echo: Hmm? You say you remember ALL names?
Nights: That's what it says in my job description, yes.
Echo: Then, you must have a TON of knowledge in that tiny head of yours... right?
Nights: I...guess.
[Echo starts laughing manically, and slowly approaches Nights, then touches his head with both hands]
Nights: Please refrain from touching my cranium!
[STRIKE!]
Nights: What was that? Ugh... feeling faint...
[Nights faints, and Echo is surrounded with purple smoke]
Echo: Yes... YES! My powers still work! MUAHAHAHAHA!
[the smoke clears as Nights wakes up, he sees a chao baby]
Nights: (like a drunk person) Hey... where'd the weird guy go?
Echo: Shut up. Tell me, where do you keep your, uh... Chaos Drives?
Nights: Oh, you buddy! You... you KNEW I was, uh... not having the pink bunny!
Echo: Right, of course, you're still recovering from my abilities. Fine, I'll look for them myself!
[Echo searches the outpost and finds a horde of purple Chaos Drives, and absorbs them all]
[he is surrounded with purple smoke again]
Nights: Whoo... open a window in here, will ya?
[the smoke clears, Echo is now a Dark/Fly chao]
[a flock of birds fly by, Echo flies up and absorbs them all, smoke surrounds him]
Nights: Ugh... what a night!
[Nights loses consciousness, the smoke clears, Echo is now a Dark/Fly chao with multiple condor parts]
Back to Chapter 2!
[cut to Purflee, staring at Echo, who is glaring back]
PF: What do you want, Echo?
[Echo dives at Purflee, and knocks him down instantly]
Echo: Nothing you morons can help with. I need to do the plan by myself.
[back on the ground]
PF: aaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! (SLAM!) Oof...
Hero: You flying chao, focus on getting Echo. However, Purflee... the girl Purflee, come with us and help save Chao!
[Tails wakes up]
Tails: Ugh... what just happened?
Speedy: Tail knocked you clear out of here and got away with Chao.
Tails: WHAT!? C'mon, we've gotta follow him!
[Tails grabs as many chao as he can and flies in Tail's direction]
[later, they reach CPAK, and see Tail inside Room 123 (Tails' room) with Chao]
Chapter 3: Nightmares To Be Unleashed
Tail: Eh? You juvenile imbeciles again...
Tails: Tail, listen to me! Try to calm down! It's gonna be okay!
Tail: SILENCE! I have no need for your petty speeches! I am not a baby, I AM TAIL, THE EVIL DICTATOR FROM BEYOND PLANET DOOKY!
K: For an evil dicator, you sure have one crappy name.
Tail: I shall strikest thou lips, utter SWINE!
[Tail's tails extend and slash Knuckle's lips, then return to their normal size]
K: OW!!! (cry) That... that HURRRRRRRRT!
Tail: Tsk... pathetic.
[Knuckle runs to Tails, who comforts him]
Tails: Now, now, don't worry, Knuckle... he didn't mean it. It was just Mephiles' evil doings taking control of his body again.
Hero: What do you want?
Tail: All that I desire is for this infernal contraption you refer to as a 'school' be demolished, in place of the NEW Character Garden!
Tails: Forget it! We're not tearing down this wonderful establishment, no matter how big-headed you get!
Tail: I see. Then, I'm afraid I have no choice but to completely bring your nightmares to good use.
Quartz: I do NOT like where this is going.
Honey: Come on, Quartz, what could he do?
Tail: (slyly) I was expecting that, Honey. I was. Of course... smart minds think alike.
Honey: So, what WILL you do?
Tail: I will just have to convert your friend Chao here into a minion of mine!
Tails: *a-hem* Not only is that theoretically IMPOSSIBLE; it sounds like a load of crock.
Tail: You think EVERYTHING has to be theoretically correct just for it to work? Typcial conformist behavior, Mister Prower.
[Tail makes a clone of Shade (if Mephiles can do it, so can he)]
Tail: Allow me to demonstrate how this effect, which I codenamed the "Tail Convertional Conversation", works. First, my dictatorial tails go to work and wrap around the Shade...
[they do]
Tail: They SQUEEZE...
[they do]
Tail: And release...
[they do, and go back to normal size]
Tail: ...giving this Shade clone a green sphere instead of a purple spike. This means he works for ME now.
[the others watch in fear as Tail continues to explain]
Tail: This happens because my tails have a special chemical in them, causing a chemical reaction in the chao body that enhances certain hormones, making the chao grow up faster, but with ALL-NEW chemicals--mine-- rushing through them. Any questions?
K: Yeah, I have a question.
Tail: Go ahead, Knuckle.
K: How do your tails do that grow-y, shrink-y thing?
Tail: Ah, good question. It is because of the powers of Mephiles' demon genes in me, which are what are slightly altered to make my all-new ones, thus allowing...
[as Tail explains this, Knuckle winks at Speedy, making him run off to the Stardust Eggman]
[cut to the Stardust Eggman]
TD: See, Metal, fire CAN make robots fart!
MS: Hm, yeah, I see, but can you do the same with cigar smoke?
[Speedy dashes in]
Speedy: I NEED MEPHILES! Can someone take me to him?
MS: Uh... I'm pretty sure it's Mecha's turn.
MK: ME? But I did it LAST time!
TD: No, Metal did! Moron.
MK: *grumble* FINE.
[Mecha takes Speedy to the STR (Space/Time Rip, in case you forgot)]
Speedy: MEPHILES!
Mp: *yawn* What?
Speedy: Tail is an evil dictator again!
Mp: Crap. Listen, there's only one way to stop him NOW. And I'll have to do it.
Chapter 4: Beating Tail by the Dozens
[back at CPAK, Tail is finishing the explanation when Mephy and Speedy come in]
Mp: Tail, I heard the bad news about your mother...
Tail: *sigh* ...WHAT bad news?
Mp: You kiddin'? Boi, yo mama IS DA BAD NEWZ!
theHeroes: OOOOOOOOHHHHH!
Tail: Grr... well, Yo mama so old, her social security number is four. 
Mp: Yo mama so fat, she has other fat mamas orbiting her. 
Tail: Yo mama so fat, helicopters try landing on her whenever she wears a Malcom X t-shirt. 
Mp: Yo mama so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil. 
Tail: Yo mama so fat, all the chairs in her house have seat belts. 
Mp: Yo mama so fat, her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters. 
Tail: Yo mama so fat, on a scale of 1 to 10, she's a 747. 
Mp: Yo mama so fat, she can't just work one corner, she has to work all four. 
Tail: Yo mama so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says "Okay." 
Mp: Yo mama so fat, she has her own area code. 
Tail: Yo mama so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway. 
Mp: Yo mama so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin. 
Tail: Yo mama so fat, she wakes up in sections.  
Mp: Yo mama so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot-dogs. 
Tail: Yo mama so fat, her shadow weighs fifty pounds. 
Mp: Yo mama so fat, When she dances, the radio skips. 
Tail: Yo mama so fat, she didn't get a birth certificate, she got blue prints. 
Mp: Yo mama so fat, when she got flesh-eating bacteria, the doctor still gave her 5 years to live. 
Tail: Yo mama so fat, when she joined a dating service, they matched her up with Detroit. 
Mp: Yo mama so fat, her belly button's got an echo. 
Tail: Yo mama so fat, she uses a mattress as a pad. 
Mp: Yo mama so ugly, they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower. 
Tail: Yo mama so ugly, she went to the haunted house and came out with a paycheck. 
Mp: Yo mama so ugly, it looks like she ran the 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym. 
Tail: Yo mama so ugly, it looks like she's been bobbing for French fries. 
Mp: Yo mama so ugly, she makes onions cry. 
Tail: Yo mama so ugly, they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty. 
Mp: Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her. 
Tail: Yo mama so ugly, when she went to a strip bar, people paid her to put her clothes back on. 
Mp: Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dunkin Donuts to see Michael Jordan get some coffee. 
Tail: Yo mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch. 
Mp: Yo mama so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Tail: Yo mama so stupid, she stole free bread. 
Mp: Yo mama so stupid, she got stabbed in a shoot out. 
Tail: Yo mama so stupid, if you gave her a penny for her thoughts you'd get change. 
Mp: Yo mama so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes. 
Tail: Yo mama so stupid, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice. 
Mp: Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car. 
Tail: Yo mama so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company. 
Mp: Yo mama so stupid, she tried to steal a free sample. 
Tail: Yo mama so stupid, she has to go to college to work at Wal-Mart. 
Mp: Yo mama so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl. 
Tail: Yo mama so poor, she can't afford to pay attention. 
Mp: Yo mama so poor, when she went to McDonald's, she had to put a happy meal on layaway. 
Tail: Yo mama has so many teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in jail. 
Mp: Yo mama got such hairy armpits, I thought she had Buckwheat in a headlock.
Tail: Yo mama.... uh.... well, she... uh...
Mp: Face it, you lost.
Quartz: Foo'!
Tail: Curses... beaten in the lowest of contests... how is this possible? I'm the smartest...
Mp: Yeah, you're just about as smart as yo mama, and we already explained how smart THAT is!
Tail: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
[Tail becomes his normal self again, and everything goes back to normal]
Chapter 5: It's the Ending. ...That's It.
Tail: Chao, I'm sorry I captured you, and almost turned you into a mind-zombie.
Chao: That's okay, Tail. I know you didn't mean it.
Tail: Thanks...
Chao: Just like I didn't mean to do that thing to yo mama! OHHHHHHH!
END!